Rich P wrote:We actually call them mole grips over here in the UK :)
Well that's why they were part of the Haynes "translation" :) (Mole grips to you = vise grips to us) (which is actually a brand name... I guess they are actually "locking pliers," but I have never heard them called anything but vise grips here).
Now I am going to have to dig that up and post it; will try to remember tonight when I get home.
Rachel
PS: That is a pretty good story!
PPS: Okay, not sure whether to post this here, in Ramblings, or even if it's appropriate to post it at all. I'm really not into posting "jokes," and it's about car service manuals, not boats. And yet.... it
does make me laugh (out loud, literally), and the frustrations can certainly apply to boats. And Rich
did bring up "mole grips."
****************
Translation guide for Haynes service manuals:
Haynes: Rotate anticlockwise.
Translation: Clamp with mole grips then beat repeatedly with hammer anticlockwise.
Haynes: This is a snug fit.
Translation: Clamp with mole grips then beat repeatedly with hammer.
Haynes: This is a tight fit.
Translation: Clamp with mole grips then beat repeatedly with a hammer.
Haynes: As described in Chapter 7...
Translation: That'll teach you not to read through before you start;
now you are looking at scary photos of the inside of a gearbox.
Haynes: Pry...
Translation: Hammer a screwdriver into...
Haynes: Undo...
Translation: Go buy a tin of WD40 (giant economy size).
Haynes: Retain tiny spring...
Translation: PINGGGG - "Where the h-ll did that go?"
Haynes: Press and rotate to remove bulb...
Translation: OK - that's the glass bit off, now fetch some good pliers to dig out the bayonet part (and maybe a plaster or two).
Haynes: Lightly...
Translation: Start off lightly and build up till the veins on your forehead are throbbing then clamp with mole grips then beat repeatedly with hammer.
Haynes: Weekly checks...
Translation: If it isn't broken don't fix it.
Haynes: Routine maintenance...
Translation: If it isn't broken, it's about to be. We warned.
Haynes: One spanner rating.
Translation: An infant could do this... so how did you manage to f*** it up?
Haynes: Two spanner rating.
Translation: Now you may think that you can do this because two is a low, teensy weensy number... but you also thought the wiring diagram was a map of the Tokyo underground (in fact that would have been more use to you).
Haynes: Three spanner rating.
Translation: Make sure you won't need your car for a couple of days.
Haynes: Four spanner rating.
Translation: You're not seriously considering this are you?
Haynes: Five spanner rating.
Translation: OK - but don't ever carry your loved ones in it again.
Haynes: If not, you can fabricate your own special tool like this...
Translation: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
Haynes: Compress...
Translation: Squeeze with all your might, jump up and down on it, throw it at the garage wall, then find some mole grips and a hammer...
Haynes: Inspect...
Translation: Squint at really hard and pretend you know what you are looking at, then declare in a loud knowing voice to your wife "Yep, as I thought, it's going to need a new one"
Haynes: Carefully...
Translation: You are about to suffer deep abrasions.
Haynes: Retaining nut...
Translation: Yes, that's it, that big spherical blob of rust.
Haynes: Get an assistant...
Translation: Prepare to humiliate yourself in front of someone you know.
Haynes: Turning the engine will be easier with the spark plugs removed.
Translation: However, starting the engine afterwards will be much harder. Once that sinking pit of your stomach feeling has subsided, you can start to feel deeply ashamed as you gingerly refit the spark plugs.
Haynes: Refitting is the reverse sequence to removal.
Translation: Yeah, right. But you swear in different places.
Haynes: Prise away plastic locating pegs...
Translation: Snap off...
Haynes: Using a suitable drift...
Translation: Clamp with mole grips then beat repeatedly with hammer.
Haynes: Everyday toolkit
Translation: RAC Card & Mobile Phone
Haynes: Apply moderate heat...
Translation: Unless you have a blast furnace, don't bother.
Alternatively, clamp with mole grips then beat repeatedly with hammer.
Haynes: Index
Translation: List of all the things in the book, bar what you need to do.
***************************
If it's inappropriate, I'll come back and delete.
Rachel